Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Whitsunday local council has closed - for good!


Whitsunday residents are revelling in celebration tonight at Airlie Beach, Bowen, Cannonvale, Proserpine, Collinsville and all spaces in between after council was declared bankrupt due to residents refusing to contract by not paying their ridiculously high rates notice and then doing something else even more bold.

In the best news we've heard since the Icelandic revolution, the local council has closed for good and all services such as rubblish, road and water have been taken over by the former council workers, some of whom were sacked in the past year, have managed to regain employment due to the savings of just a handful of management positions becoming obsolete.

Local high school economics teacher Mr Rasheen-Al Fincar told Whitsunday Examiner:

"We all suspected they were useless, now we see that things run better without them - they were paid way too much anyway...and they called us "Customers" when we are really their employer, without our rates being paid they cannot survive without us.

They forgot who works for who in the true democratic chain of command.

Now we decided as a last resort to do just that and they threatened to steal our homes and properties from us - even though we own it, it feels like rent to pay rates and we weren't getting value for it. So f**k em! Off to Centrelink with them for a lesson in humility and budgeting 101!"

A community funded efficiency report showed sacking the bulk of senior management positions would free up a few million dollars a year, which allowed for more 'real work' to happen with more 'boots on the ground'. The residents pay for their rubbish pickup direct to JJ Richard waste disposal company, and now have the choice to have their rubbish picked up weekly, forthnightly, or if a property is vacant then they can opt out - a move not possible under the unreasonable greed council that has ruled with iron fist for decades.

The roads are now fixed by Main Roads Dept (a division of state govt) and holding up well. Some of the pothole repairs made by previous contractors were poorly done and had to be done again, and again - netting private road contractors millions in profit as reward for deliberately doing a bad job with substandard materials and unqualified morons as their labour base.But their glory days are over now the residents are no longer tolerating the pickpocketing hand that has repeatedly groped in the public purse for too long.

UPDATE - 2PM: Bowen water woes solved by local excavator operator volunteers.
The water plants were shut off while machinery was used by volunteers to dig a new dam at bowen and then half filled with the Lake proserpine water using the 70 km pipeline.

The new Lake Bowen is also known as "The People's Damn" intentionally mispelled as a dedication to the brave bowen people who gave a 'damn' and started to revolution which saw the resignation of a council, plus the support of 3 other councillors leaving only 2 councillors left.

After a scandal of the council CEO drink driving to 'avoid a cyclone' the Mayor left in shame, quite unwilling to answer to the angry mob who thought it was very irresponsible and hoped she would sack or at least discipline the disgraced CEO. However the Mayor inflamed the situation by stating that no further action is required in a recent media release.

The people grew more and more irate with the laundry list of poor decisions and decided to join together in a public meeting at councils main office in Proserpine. There is a large section of the community who is of german descent and following the lead of the 'rates rebels', decided 'enough is enough' and brought with them sledgehammers and chisels.

IN A SCENE reminiscent of the fall of the Berlin Wall, they went to town on the council office, smashing thru walls as councillors and other staff fled screaming in horror as their "palace of public profiteering" came crashing down around them.

EXCLUSIVE PICS: The day of liberation from 'little hitlers'

It started with just one hearty tap of the sledgehammer...
Soon more people joined in, fathers and their sons pitch in with their trusty 'cold chisel'
Even BAYWATCH star David Hassellhoff enjoyed taking time out of  his whitsunday holiday to help the locals out.
A fearful councillor peers thru the first crack in the building in complete bewilderment as a grandmother and her  grandchild pass by, overheard muttering "Good riddance to bad rubbish!"
"Better The Devil You Know" - Kylie Minogue says no
The council building after todays revolution...

Proserpine had the greatest fireworks display in their towns history to celebrate. Similarly impressive fireworks held in Airlie, Bowen and Collinsville marked this momentous occasion in Australia history.
Fireworks and jubilant scenes across the whole region, as residents celebrate being perhaps the first area in Australia to rid itself of the parasites that have been sucking the people dry without mercy.

Poli-ticks been getting under your skin lately? Eww!
Philisopher Cash Snowden had this to say "They are just people in costumes who think they have more rights than other people. The reason their delusion persists is because most of the people they extort and dominate also believe their delusion."

Whitsunday has now been annexed as part of China, who now own the sugar mill and a handful of resorts with plans to build a casino, resort, buddist temple and a chinatown to boot. Western leaders have expressed outrage and are calling a UN security meeting to discuss military intervention and economic sanctions.
(C) AFP 2014

Unfortunately, it was soon realised that this whole story is utter BS, as it was just a April Fools joke...gotcha hahaha. Share and don't tell :-)